My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
