i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
