my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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