tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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