Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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