i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
