hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
