So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
