I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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