yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
