dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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