lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
