I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
