At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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