So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
