hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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