I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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