Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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