I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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