I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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