Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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