I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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