Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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