He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
