the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
