Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
