I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
do nipples grow back?
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