She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
