I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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