I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My dick has a subreddit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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