Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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