Your tits are I can't wait for
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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