I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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