remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
