were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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