i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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