I like my sex mixed with concussions.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Randomize
