with your own penis?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize