I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
