Got a toothbrush?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
