That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
