I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
