Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
