I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
