Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
