For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
