I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
