i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
