i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
