So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
