He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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