omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
