Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
