"it" just moved
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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