I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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