Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
