Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
