I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize