awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
