it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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