Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
