Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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