Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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