I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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