You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
